Before reading this, if you are sensitive please be warned this is a little graphic. DINNERS READY!!" shannon cried out as me and the boys scampered to the kitchen for food. The boy's plates were already made as usual. I hurried into the kitchen to make sure i would get something to eat. I grabbed at the forks and spoons quickly and put food on my plate. I walked past the counter and sat down on the kitchen floor next to the boys who had their own little table and chairs, because the apartment we lived in was to small to fit a family table. Tonights food was very salty steak, and of coarse dad bitched about it. As usual.
         The boys ate very little, and Tj, the oldest of the boys, fell asleep on the table. I kind of giggled to myself at the sight of his face buried in food. Then the giggle quickly died as dad walked over to Tj. He glared down at him and in a sudden rage picked him up by his shirt and threw him into the wall. He screamed at him to wake up and eat his food before he put his foot up his ass. Tj cryed out in shock and landed on the floor. He quickly crawled back to the table and shoved food down his mouth. He choked a little. Dad hit him hard across the back of the head. "DONT EAT SO FAST!" he screamed. The other 2 boys jerked back afraid of what he might do to them. I was used to this sight and i continued eating. Dad glanced down at me on the floor and said something i didnt quiet hear, so i said WHAT? He leaped at me in a fit of anger and kicked me hard and i was flung against the wall. He was a body builder and personal trainer. As i slid against the dry cracked wall i wimpered and clutched my leg where he had kicked me. He screamed at me to start paying attention then settled down and walked back over to the couch where he had been eating with Shannon.
          Shannon was his gf who had lived with me and dad for quiet some time now. The boys were her sons. My real mother had ran off and eloped with my dad when she became pregnant with me. They later divorced when I was 2-3 and she ran off to georgia, remarried and had a few more kids. I had only met her once. I liked Shannon though. She was the only mother figure I had ever known, and i thought maybe all the abuse would stop when she arrived, but i should have known better. Later that night Shannon asked me if i wanted her to cut my hair because it was getting so long. So i went into the bathroom eagarly awaiting my new hair cut. As she came in the bathroom and opened the door i saw the boys sitting on the coach watching tv. She closed the door and came in with scissors in her hands. She cut and dyed her hair often so i knew she was good at what she was doing. She started cutting my hair and got about half way through when we heard a loud BANG! in the other room where the boys had been sitting. Shannon quickly threw down the scissors and ran in the other room, i looked outside to see what was going on. Dad had the youngest boy, Stephen by the throat pinned against the wall. Stephen's face was almost purple. Shannon ran at him and screamed at dad to let him go! He threw him down to the floor. Steven gasped for air. Dad then began kicking him hard against the chest. Steven cried loudly and said MOMMY HELP!! The other boys ran in the other room crying. I just stood there helplessly. I knew i couldnt do anything, I was only 12. So i ran back into the bathroom and sat on the toilet and waited for it to be over.
             Dad had never harmed Shannon. So i wasnt worried about her. I sat listening to screams and bangs for a while, then suddenly Shannon came bursting through the door with a torn shirt and her bra showing holding Steven in her arms. She had a bloodly lip and scratches on her stomach where her skin was revealed through the torn shirt. They were both crying. Dad came hurdaling in the bathrrom and leap at Shannon She cryed out for him to stop and he did. He screamed "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PROTECT HIM?!?! HE WAS BREAKING THE RULES AND NOW I HAVE TO PUNISH HIM!!! She cried back at him that his kind of punishment wasnt right. He smacked her hard across the face. I had the sudden urge to Yell at him to stop hurting her, but i was to afraid he would hurt me, or even kill me.He left still angry. Shannon sat there holding Steven who was no longer crying. She just held on to him. Crying. Eventually she sat up and let Steven go into the room with the rest of the boys. He was bruised all over his small body and had red choke marks on his neck, and a bloodly lip. I knew how he felt. I was still recovering from the last time i got in trouble where dad threw me around the room, punched and kicked me several times. I still had bruises, a swollen eye and swollen lip. Shannon left to talk to dad. She came back and finished cutting my hair. We sat there for a moment and i asked her what she was going to do. She said, "he said he was sorry and didnt know what came over him...that he blacked out and doesnt remember what he did." I rolled my eyes but she didnt see.
           This kind of thing was an every day occurance. However, if anything this was better then what he used to do. He used to resort to using a taser on me or putting his gun or knife in my face. Looking back I wish I would have just taken one of those guns and made the world a better place without him. Before Shannon and the boys came into our lives, my father had many girlfriends. I suppose you could call him a man whore. I think this is why my view of women is so messed up. I have no real friends that are girls, and have trouble talking and relating to older women. Because I never had a real mother figure. Except for my great grandmother. Without her I might not be here today. I stayed with her most of the time while i was growing up. She took care of me while my father worked in Jeff city till 1 in the morning usually every day. Sometimes he would come get me after he got home. I would pretend to be asleep usually so I wouldnt have to go with him. One time he caught me faking being asleep and beat me pretty badly. He would get upset about small things like that. Not refilling the tolit paper roll, or putting a jug of milk back in the fridge with only enough milk for a small glass. Stuff like that. But I cant say I was totally innocent. I had a stealing problem when I was younger. Looking back I think I was acting out of anger. I wasnt the only one to be beat over stupid things though. My grandma would get in my dad's way every now and then and he would beat her to. I would have to say watching other people get beat by him was worse then actually being beat myself. It tore my heart out to see my grandma crying with bruises all over her frail body. I think she might have said something to someone about all the abuse, but she had pretty much raised my dad on her own when my dad's mom died. So my dad was like a son to her. She was to nice to put her own son in jail.
       When my father wasnt around my grandma would spoil me. She treated me like I was her angel. Giving me whatever I wanted and more. She was what kept me from going crazy. She was big into gardening, therofore so was I. We took care of our gardens and grew our own food together. That was our escape from reality. One day we were outside, and had just got down watering our garden. I jumped on my bike that I had just gotten for my 10th birthday. My father bought it for me and had put it in the basement at my grandmas house so i wouldnt see it. But my grandma being the way she was, showed me the bike before my birthday because she was so excited about it. When my birthday arrived and my dad brought the bike from the basement he knew that I had known about it. He freaked out on me and grandma and said that she liked to brainwash me. Anyway while I was riding my bike around a strange woman pulled up in front of the house and started walking towards me. I stopped my bike and waited for her to approach me. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "Do you know who I am?" I said no. She said, "I'm your mom." and threw her arms open expecting me to jump into her arms. I just looked at her. I said "I dont know you". She then began to try to explain everything to me, but me being so young i didnt really understand much. She recorded me on her video camera and said to say hi to my half brother and sisters that I had never met. After about an hour she left. She didnt say anything about coming back or anything like that. That was the first time I met my mother. After that happened my dad decided that he wanted me to live with him instead of my grandma because he was worried that my mom would show up randomly again and my grandma would continue to "brainwash" me. This was about the time that Shannon and him started dating.

About four years passed with the boys and Shannon living with us. I was 14 when the cops showed up at Belle middle school to ask me questions. It wasnt the first time the cops had come to talk to me. It had happened in elementary school when I came to school with a busted lip and several bruises on me. Of coarse I didnt tell them anything. I had been threatened enough times to know that it would be a bad idea to tell someone what my dad was doing. I was afraid I would be killed. And nothing was different about this time. I didnt say a word. I went home like usual after school with the boys. But I apparently didnt need to say anything. Stephen, one of Shannon's sons, had showed up to day care with bruises on his face and had told them what happened. So I went home after school with the boys as usual. I always walked the boys home from the elementary school after riding the bus back to belle. My dad wasnt there, but a few minutes after we got home the cops showed up and started yelling for my dad to come out. He wasnt there and I wasnt aloud to answer the door so we just stood silently in our room listening. They left, and a few minutes later my dad showed up. I told him that the cops where there looking for him. He started making some calls, then the cops came back. He just hid in our room and didnt answer the door. Once they left again, he ran for it. Shannon came home with stephen and told us to pack our things. After that we were placed in a foster home in Owensville. The jewetts.

            I lived with the jewetts and their daughters for about 2-3 years, but the boys go to go live with their real father after about a year and a half. Other foster kids came and went. This was about the time i started to smoke cigarettes and rebel against everybody. Needless to say I got kicked out of this foster home and put into another one on lincoln ave in owensville. That lasted about two years. By this time I was in high school and met a girl named becca barndollar. We became best friends and eventually I moved in with her and her family, whom I now consider to be my only family. I lived with them until I turned 18 when i finally got my own place in Owensville and started my life. There are ALOT of details I left out, that i will fill in later when i have time. oh and if your wondering, no my dad didnt do any jail time. Didnt get in trouble for what he did at all. I havent heard anything from my mom at all. Dont even know if she is alive.